[ but they don't know better. they're defenseless. she wasn't going to do what ishmael had done and warned them off of interacting with certain others -- it isn't right, and it'd pissed her off when the other woman had done it... she wouldn't by that much of a hypocrite. just a bit of one, hands stilled and quiet as she turns the words over in her mind.

... she knows she's assumed for them, just as kaito and vergilius had assumed for her. but it's different. those aren't life threatening. netzach and yesod are doing fine even without her around. why can't vergilius accept this the way kaito and march had? because she isn't asking anything of him? compromising? because she's simply explaining it, or because she knows it's wrong too?

but it'd be too weird to simply start off again out of nowhere, wouldn't it? she's already done her time in being away. it isn't on them to approach her though; it's on her to, being the one who asked it of them -- who told them this is how it should be, logically and advisably, even if... even if...

malkuth falters a little, a shaky sigh escaping her. ]

I don't think I can last much longer myself, you know. [ it hurts. ] It's not even that I want everyone to know, it's just-- I want to be able to talk to them normally and hang out, even if they're not used to it, even if there's things I can't say or explain. It feels like I'm starving, or suffocating, or-- something like that, and not even being around you, or March, or Kaito helps.

[ the three people she feels a little less lonely with. the people who, in a way, feel like parts of a home she doesn't really have. ]

Not anymore, anyway.