[netzach yawns, stretching out his little metal limbs once she has them both sealed back up.]
Felt pretty weird, yeah.
[sorry malkuth he'll be honest about it. she probably had to deal with a lot of enkephalin residue in there, so does he really have room to talk? and yet.]
[ As strange as it felt — not to mention that Yesod can't help but revisit some thoughts surrounding LILITH taking all of them from different points in time — it's reassuring to have a better idea of the current status of their bodies. By now, they have a number of missions behind them, after all, in addition to ordinary wear and tear. And there was that piece of advice for Netzach to clean his components... ]
It was necessary... Thank you, Malkuth.
[ Particularly because it's clear that a significant amount of time must have gone into teaching herself the knowledge needed to shoulder this task — Malkuth was planning ahead to do so on a regular basis, despite her resolve to keep her distance in other ways. ]
she has words actually, wiping her hands off on a rag before carefully flipping open her stained notebook. the gratitude makes her smile at least, small but proud. ]
You're both aware you're biomechanical, right? If not -- well, you are now. A lot of your "electrical" pulses are more based in the nervous system, so to say, [ less so to say than. well. it is, ] but I won't go too much into that for all our sakes. I'm sure you've found this out by now, but besides some rusting on bits of your outside you'll be fine to take a dip.
That said, [ turning her gaze to netzach specifically, ] quit hanging around smokers. Them and the leftover Enkephalin have really done a number to your insides, okay? Mostly in the sense of... well, gumming things up and making everything look worse than it is. You process things fine, but that doesn't mean that things don't linger.
[ a beat, and she closes her book. there is a lot more she cannot say. ]
All in all, just remember you aren't made for lifting heavy things or getting too many dents. I think you're made of some pretty tough stuff anyway, but a loose bolt could really ruin your day. Um... that's all. I didn't realize how complex our insides were until now though.
[ so many..... things. ayin sure was incredible. ]
I'd rather be your sole mechanic before of that, but if you need a quick fix and I'm not around, just let the person know ahead of time you've got some unusual features.
Edited (im mobile just bear wirh me) 2024-05-15 21:55 (UTC)
[ Yesod: reliving What kind of poor taste is that, to lock us inside metal bodies, and throw us into an endless loop of days that feel just the same as yesterday?
But he listens, noting Malkuth's smile, observing any reaction on Netzach's part to the information with which Malkuth presents them. Knowing what they know now, it makes sense that they don't operate entirely as one would expect of machines.
He gives Malkuth a nod for her answer and her recommendations, reminders of their limitations, before frowning at Netzach's question. ]
Other smokers are more likely to be the issue. I doubt that Gebura would refuse to refrain from it, if need be.
[ At least around them, long enough, he thinks — she sounded quite resolute about keeping them safe, and about keeping Malkuth from taking everything on by herself. ]
What Yesod said. She'll huff about it, but she'll put it out. I'll be sure to ask her when she comes back.
[ if only for malkuth's peace of mind. she stares at both of them, studying their differing outsides, the familiar pitches of their voice within the reverberation of metal, and turns her face away with a sigh.
is this really all she can do? is it enough? could she do more, if she studied harder, if she switched her track from architecture, if...
she shakes her head, stretching overhead. ]
Thanks for letting me give you two a check up. Our creator... was someone we all have very different opinions on, but he was still a brilliant person in many ways. That I can promise.
[ whatever else he is there is no denying that, careful as she is from sounding overly fond. ]
[netzach is as blunt as he's ever been, particularly this incarnation of him, opinions unsoftened by regaining his memories or becoming a librarian.]
If he made things like us, and like the rest of the facility, then it doesn't matter. He was just like anyone else, using people and throwing them away for no good reason at all.
[ malkuth straightens, beginnings of a frown on her face. ]
He was not! He wasn't... the most outwardly kind person, [ until he'd wiped his memories, forced to start seeing them as real people in their metallic casings, until he'd
forgotten the reason he'd begun the whole project in the first place, forgotten the woman whose ideals he'd championed beyond death, ] but he wasn't like everyone else!
[ again, and again, and again they'd repeated those days until it was just right, was that anywhere near the realm of kind? wasn't that like anyone else? it'd been for his own satisfaction, his own redemption, angela had scorned. ]
What do you consider a "good reason" to throw someone away, Netzach?
... Even if I tell you yes and why it had to happen, you won't be happy. I know this because every time I try and tell the others from our City about anything relating it, they say it's not good enough.
[ they get angry and lash out, as is their right. but it gets tiring being the only person who understands. who can see why, even if she knows it... was not what carmen would have wanted, not in this way. what other choice did they have? ]
The full reason won't make sense to you. But it's to fix the City. It's something we... he and the others who worked with him previously believed in with all their hearts. At least believe that it only came to this because they had no other choice.
so whatever it was, she was certainly a part of it. maybe more of them, maybe all, he's not sure; still, he thinks he probably wouldn't like hearing it either.]
You really think the City's something anybody could fix?
Yes. [ certain. ] It's not a matter of can't, it's a matter of won't. Just like our facility.
[ it can change, but there's people who don't want it to. who won't let it. malkuth doesn't ease, but her voice softens a little. trying. ]
It doesn't make the means right, but don't speak ill of the people you don't know. That man... was doing what he could given the circumstance. The only other option would have been not trying at all.
Don't speak on stuff you don't know either, stupid. Don't you want the City to change? It doesn't matter if you think it can or not! It won't ever be a peaceful affair, even if I want it to be too! But I want to see it change, I want to know that something about it will be kinder when I'm dead, even if I never get to see it myself!
[ because she won't, she knows that, gebura's already told her. ]
And if that means that I have to remember every person that dies in the process, then fine! I'll let my hands be stained with blood! If that's the only way, then fine! That's what he thought too!
[ Yesod stays silent for a while as Malkuth and Netzach argue, if only because he reminds himself that these are topics to approach carefully, and he isn't certain that he can take the necessary steps back from the complex emotions associated with them. The glow of his eye dims slightly, but he follows every word, the bitter resentment in Netzach's remarks and the fervent conviction flaring bright in Malkuth's.
He understands the wish for a better world, a distant dream. He understands looking at the process chosen to produce the desired results at the very end and feeling nothing but disgust, too. ]
I cannot help but wonder why that remains the only way...
[ Again and again, justified with the reasoning of having no other choice. ]
Although I want to believe that all of it isn't in vain.
[he just sort of flops over where he's sitting, after a moment, no longer interested in remaining upright, and it's a long few moments of silence before he admits:]
I don't know what it is both of you see.
[what it is that makes them want to believe.]
Sometimes it's like I can... see a place I could have been. Something I could have wanted to do, someone I could have wanted to help. But I know I couldn't. Nothing is ever going to be helped because of me.
[ the tremble in malkuth's shoulders lingers, frustration stinging at her eyes, but as yesod and finally netzach speaks it settles into an awkward weight instead. she gives yesod a shaky, thankful smile before she turns her face away, wiping her eyes with her wrist. ]
... You do more than you know. [ her fondness is still reserved by (newly formed, newly breaking) habit, but it seeps out regardless. ] It's just... you're not allowed to there, at that point. But you have helped before, and you can still help now. Even if it doesn't feel like it.
[ even if it feels like nothing he does matters, so why bother in the first place. ]
I mean, just you two being here makes me feel better, you know? Even when I just watched from afar, I was happy knowing you were here. It doesn't have to be big. Right, Yesod?
[ He watches his colleagues as Netzach acknowledges an imprint of the past on his soul and Malkuth offers something of the future like one step taken together towards bridging the gap between their respective memories. It isn't that he can claim to see something brighter and kinder at the end of the road ahead just yet, a glimmering speck somewhere in the distance beyond a long dark tunnel — every sacrifice will cast its lingering shadow in a world where nothing is attainable without inflicting suffering upon others.
But the possibility of changes for the better hasn't been crushed altogether. It's a seed of hope that may germinate anew, someday. ]
...Yes. Such things make a difference. It isn't insignificant.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Felt pretty weird, yeah.
[sorry malkuth he'll be honest about it. she probably had to deal with a lot of enkephalin residue in there, so does he really have room to talk? and yet.]
I guess it wasn't that bad though...
no subject
It was necessary... Thank you, Malkuth.
[ Particularly because it's clear that a significant amount of time must have gone into teaching herself the knowledge needed to shoulder this task — Malkuth was planning ahead to do so on a regular basis, despite her resolve to keep her distance in other ways. ]
Is there anything that we should be aware of?
[ Since Malkuth took notes... ]
no subject
she has words actually, wiping her hands off on a rag before carefully flipping open her stained notebook. the gratitude makes her smile at least, small but proud. ]
You're both aware you're biomechanical, right? If not -- well, you are now. A lot of your "electrical" pulses are more based in the nervous system, so to say, [ less so to say than. well. it is, ] but I won't go too much into that for all our sakes. I'm sure you've found this out by now, but besides some rusting on bits of your outside you'll be fine to take a dip.
That said, [ turning her gaze to netzach specifically, ] quit hanging around smokers. Them and the leftover Enkephalin have really done a number to your insides, okay? Mostly in the sense of... well, gumming things up and making everything look worse than it is. You process things fine, but that doesn't mean that things don't linger.
[ a beat, and she closes her book. there is a lot more she cannot say. ]
All in all, just remember you aren't made for lifting heavy things or getting too many dents. I think you're made of some pretty tough stuff anyway, but a loose bolt could really ruin your day. Um... that's all. I didn't realize how complex our insides were until now though.
[ so many..... things. ayin sure was incredible. ]
I'd rather be your sole mechanic before of that, but if you need a quick fix and I'm not around, just let the person know ahead of time you've got some unusual features.
no subject
[malkuth: damn ayin was so cool
netzach: if i met my creator i would push them off a building
he waves off her concern with one spindly metal hand.]
Gebura smokes now. [even if he hasn't seen it, smoke always lingers.] Are you gonna tell me I should avoid her?
no subject
But he listens, noting Malkuth's smile, observing any reaction on Netzach's part to the information with which Malkuth presents them. Knowing what they know now, it makes sense that they don't operate entirely as one would expect of machines.
He gives Malkuth a nod for her answer and her recommendations, reminders of their limitations, before frowning at Netzach's question. ]
Other smokers are more likely to be the issue. I doubt that Gebura would refuse to refrain from it, if need be.
[ At least around them, long enough, he thinks — she sounded quite resolute about keeping them safe, and about keeping Malkuth from taking everything on by herself. ]
no subject
[ if only for malkuth's peace of mind. she stares at both of them, studying their differing outsides, the familiar pitches of their voice within the reverberation of metal, and turns her face away with a sigh.
is this really all she can do? is it enough? could she do more, if she studied harder, if she switched her track from architecture, if...
she shakes her head, stretching overhead. ]
Thanks for letting me give you two a check up. Our creator... was someone we all have very different opinions on, but he was still a brilliant person in many ways. That I can promise.
[ whatever else he is there is no denying that, careful as she is from sounding overly fond. ]
no subject
[netzach is as blunt as he's ever been, particularly this incarnation of him, opinions unsoftened by regaining his memories or becoming a librarian.]
If he made things like us, and like the rest of the facility, then it doesn't matter. He was just like anyone else, using people and throwing them away for no good reason at all.
smacks ari's hand away a second
He was not! He wasn't... the most outwardly kind person, [ until he'd wiped his memories, forced to start seeing them as real people in their metallic casings, until he'd
forgotten the reason he'd begun the whole project in the first place, forgotten the woman whose ideals he'd championed beyond death, ] but he wasn't like everyone else!
[ again, and again, and again they'd repeated those days until it was just right, was that anywhere near the realm of kind? wasn't that like anyone else? it'd been for his own satisfaction, his own redemption, angela had scorned. ]
What do you consider a "good reason" to throw someone away, Netzach?
[ sorry yesod ]
no subject
There shouldn't be one.
[actually i hit enter too fast he has more to say]
If you're saying you're from the future, you remember the things that happened in there. Is there really any reason for that?
no subject
[ they get angry and lash out, as is their right. but it gets tiring being the only person who understands. who can see why, even if she knows it... was not what carmen would have wanted, not in this way. what other choice did they have? ]
The full reason won't make sense to you. But it's to fix the City. It's something we... he and the others who worked with him previously believed in with all their hearts. At least believe that it only came to this because they had no other choice.
[ like... she does. ]
no subject
so whatever it was, she was certainly a part of it. maybe more of them, maybe all, he's not sure; still, he thinks he probably wouldn't like hearing it either.]
You really think the City's something anybody could fix?
no subject
Yes. [ certain. ] It's not a matter of can't, it's a matter of won't. Just like our facility.
[ it can change, but there's people who don't want it to. who won't let it. malkuth doesn't ease, but her voice softens a little. trying. ]
It doesn't make the means right, but don't speak ill of the people you don't know. That man... was doing what he could given the circumstance. The only other option would have been not trying at all.
no subject
[maybe whatever he was doing wasn't worth all of that suffering.]
no subject
Don't speak on stuff you don't know either, stupid. Don't you want the City to change? It doesn't matter if you think it can or not! It won't ever be a peaceful affair, even if I want it to be too! But I want to see it change, I want to know that something about it will be kinder when I'm dead, even if I never get to see it myself!
[ because she won't, she knows that, gebura's already told her. ]
And if that means that I have to remember every person that dies in the process, then fine! I'll let my hands be stained with blood! If that's the only way, then fine! That's what he thought too!
no subject
He understands the wish for a better world, a distant dream. He understands looking at the process chosen to produce the desired results at the very end and feeling nothing but disgust, too. ]
I cannot help but wonder why that remains the only way...
[ Again and again, justified with the reasoning of having no other choice. ]
Although I want to believe that all of it isn't in vain.
no subject
[he just sort of flops over where he's sitting, after a moment, no longer interested in remaining upright, and it's a long few moments of silence before he admits:]
I don't know what it is both of you see.
[what it is that makes them want to believe.]
Sometimes it's like I can... see a place I could have been. Something I could have wanted to do, someone I could have wanted to help. But I know I couldn't. Nothing is ever going to be helped because of me.
no subject
... You do more than you know. [ her fondness is still reserved by (newly formed, newly breaking) habit, but it seeps out regardless. ] It's just... you're not allowed to there, at that point. But you have helped before, and you can still help now. Even if it doesn't feel like it.
[ even if it feels like nothing he does matters, so why bother in the first place. ]
I mean, just you two being here makes me feel better, you know? Even when I just watched from afar, I was happy knowing you were here. It doesn't have to be big. Right, Yesod?
no subject
But the possibility of changes for the better hasn't been crushed altogether. It's a seed of hope that may germinate anew, someday. ]
...Yes. Such things make a difference. It isn't insignificant.
[ It matters, to feel less alone. ]